Is this it?

If you're tired of playing it small

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Have you learned to play it small, to be small, as a means of self-protection?

We’re taught, especially as women, to not want more. Whether it comes from the mouths of society or our caregivers, we learn from an early age that it’s safer to shrink ourselves so that we can fit ourselves into other people’s expectations, even if it means leaving behind ourselves in the process. We’re taught that having visions bigger than what’s in front of us makes us ungrateful, unappreciative. We’re taught to be quieter or else we’re too much, less noticeable or else we’re attention-hungry, less confident or else we’re cocky.

For many, this is wildly protective, and is rooted in the fawn response: be good to be safe. By playing it small, we’re communicating to the perceived threat: don’t mind me! I’ll just blend into the walls and you won’t even know I’m here. I’ll be a version of me that makes it easy for others to accept. Keep the peace, don’t make too much noise, don’t veer off the path that others want you to be on. Then you’ll feel safe and loved.

But at what cost?

Not wanting to be perceived, at the cost of never expressing yourself?

Not wanting to be judged, at the cost of never knowing if the best-case could happen?

Not wanting to be criticized, at the cost of needing to mask yourself with fragile perfection?

Let’s be clear: I’m not talking about the “don’t play small” kind of messaging that’s disguised as hustle-culture-always-be-grinding-no-days-off-you-are-never-doing-enough-because-your-worth-is-tied-to-your-productivity-kinda-thing.

No, this is about being attuned to what your deepest desires are, and noticing the conditioning that talks you out of those desires. This type of “don’t play small” is about noticing how you’ve been taught to shrink yourself in ways that feel inauthentic to you, and the ways in which you convince yourself you don’t want things that you really do, when you feel yourself silencing something within you that is begging to be expressed - verbally, creatively, artistically.

Only you can know if you’re shrinking yourself because only you can know what your deepest desires are. What may be “playing it small” to someone else may be perfectly enough for you. There’s no right or wrong, good or bad. There’s no fixed definition of what “enough” is.

If you read my newsletter last week, which was about feeling like you’re never doing enough, this letter may seem like a contradiction to that- but I actually think it’s saying the same thing. The thread being: when we do less, or we do too much, for the sole purpose of craving external approval, it will leave us feeling empty. When we can attune to what we want - whether that’s doing more or doing less - that’s where true satisfaction lies.

The balance of enoughness and wanting more

In the spirit of shedding black-or-white thinking, I want to invite in the idea that…

You can be appreciate for what you have and want more at the same time.

You can want softness and slowness and have big, expansive dreams.

You can have gratitude for what’s in front of you and have a deep knowing that more is possible.

You can be rooted in the present and make plans for your future self.

And then, you can trust yourself to know when it’s enough.

The true practice, I think, is to know if we’re craving more from a place of eternal lack - or from a deeper place of wanting to fulfill potential. Are we longing for more because nothing is enough or because we know that we are deserving of more?

Time for me to take my own advice and take up some space: I wrote a book for those of us that have learned to play it small, to be peacekeepers, caretakers and perfectionists for the sake of self-protection. This book is deeply honest, raw and and is something that I’m am so very proud of and poured every ounce of myself into. My greatest hope is that it supports many people in returning to themselves.

If there’s any part of you that thinks you’ll want to read it one day, consider pre-ordering it! Pre-ordering makes a huge difference and tells bookstores/retailers that people want to read it.

It’s also available for pre-order on Kindle and audiobook - and I will be narrating. You can also call your local bookstore and order directly via them, as well! The options are endless!

I cannot wait for this book to rest in your hands.

me taking up space, dammit!

Journaling prompts - share with the community!

It’s a new moon today - which is all about calling something in, tuning into our soul’s deepest desires and imagining what is possible. With this new moon, I invite you to reflect on…

1. Where in your life are you playing it small? Is this protecting you from something? (being perceived, failure, success)

2. If you were to remove the cap, the ceiling, the barriers - what about your reality would be different?

This week, in the spirit of taking up space, I invite you to do something new and maybe uncomfortable: share your reflections in the comments. What are you calling in? Speak it into existence and leave a comment on someone else’s reflection, giving them encouragement or affirmation. If you’re reading this directly on your email, simply click on the title of this newsletter on the top of the email, and it’ll bring lead you my Substack where you can participate!

I’m sending you courage, clarity and confidence to take up space, to speak your desires out loud and to find a sense of safety within, so that you can tolerance the discomfort of doing something new.

Until next time,

♡ Meg