If Moving Forward Feels Overwhelming

Releasing the pressure to transform

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not my feet nor my photo - i found it on pinterest

When I see a theme pop up in many of my sessions within one single week, it feels like I’m a researcher taking a sample size of the greater collective. If this theme feels true for me, and clients are also feeling it right now, then this feeling must be visiting people all around.

And so, I’m here today to report my very official findings, my therapist/human field-notes:

With the new year comes a pressure to transform overnight. There comes this notion that you need to get your shit together, kick it into high gear and immediately take this drastic next step that’ll turn your life from drab to fab. When the clock strikes midnight on January 1st, we’re flooded with so much urgency that it can lead us to do nothing at all.

This week on Instagram, I posted about freeze mode - and it resonated with many of you. Freeze mode is a stress response, and it’s what our body goes into when it’s in a state of overwhelm. Our body goes into freeze to conserve our energy, which leads us to procrastinate, feel stuck, stagnant, hopeless, overwhelmed by any decision, numb to our emotions.

So when we’re feeling overwhelmed - big, abstract resolutions often just add to that state of overwhelm. Because let’s be real, “new year, new me” would send even the most regulated, grounded person into a state of inner paralysis.

The biggest changes happen with the smallest ones - and they happen over time. Let this letter be permission to take the pressure away that your next step has to be THE step, the perfect next step that’s going to transform every facet of your life. What if the next step could just be a next step that feels right for you right now? What if the next step could be just be a next step that you know you can take?

Is there really such thing as a misstep if whatever decision you make is going to give you more clarity?

Ripe fruit falls quickly. Each of the little steps that you’re taking - that’s the ripening process. And one day, the ripening is done, and the fruit falls to the ground. We can’t rush the ripening process. We can’t rip the fruit from the branch and expect it to taste good. It just happens when it does. The irony is that when take smaller steps instead of needing it be one big one, we go further.

Make it smaller. Make it more digestible. Make it easier. Make it simpler.

Instead of focusing on the end result of a major transformation, what’s just ONE thing that you can do to feel closer? This one thing may feel uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t feel terrifying. If you’re looking for work, maybe it’s reframing “I need to find a job” to “I’m going to look at job listings for 10 minutes” or “I’m going to edit this one section of my resume.” And if even that feels too much, make it even smaller. Make it so small that it almost feels annoying: “I’m going to just open my laptop.” One right step - done.

Getting out of freeze mode means communicating to our bodies that moving forward is safe. It’s a slow, subtle process of creating movement without adding extra layers of overwhelm.

Repeat after me…

What I’m able to do today, is enough.

I don’t need to figure it all out, I just need to take one step.

It is safe for me to move forward.

I accept myself right now, as I am.

Just because I’m here now, doesn’t mean I’ll be here forever.

I shift my focus to what’s in my control.

Journaling prompts

• What’s a Big Thing you’ve been feeling pressure to do? (changing jobs, dating, cultivating a new habit)

• What emotions come up when thinking about it?

• What is just ONE step that you could take right now? What would support you in doing it?

Wishing you an easeful start to the new year - I’m excited to keeping reflecting and growing with you in the months to come.

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Thank you for being here, exactly as you are.

With warmth,

Meg