If Letting it Go Feels Hard

Practicing non-attachment

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When I woke up this morning, I drew back the curtain and the window revealed a rainy day, clouds shedding tears because even the Earth cries sometimes.

I watched as a thought popped into my head: Aw, I wish it was sunny. And quickly following that thought came a slight, subtle sadness. This was all but a three second process, something so quick that I easily could have missed it (I often do).

After watching that go by, I more consciously thought to myself: Okay, but it’s not sunny. This is just what the sky is doing today. There’s no other way it could be. And with that came a feeling of neutrality. Contentment, even.

Isn’t it funny how the immediate reaction to seeing a rainy sky is wishing it were different? And the only thing that that thought did was just stir up sadness about how the sky isn’t doing what I want it to be doing?

In Buddhism, attachment is called upādāna, which, in Pali and Sanskrit, means grasping or clinging. It speaks to the human tendency to cling to people, things and ideas with the false belief that they’ll bring us lasting happiness and fulfillment. This attachment arises from our human desire to feel secure, comfortable, and control of our lives.

The greatest irony is that when we have unconscious, rigid ideas about how people and situations are supposed to be - and when they don’t meet up to that - we’re usually just disappointed. We can notice how the mind does this all day long:

When there’s traffic: ugh! This is so annoying. Can’t people go faster?! *honks*

When your computer freezes: stupid computer! I hate technology! *hits the screen*

When you spill coffee: I’m such an idiot! Now my shirt has a stain!

And, of course, when it’s raining: it should be sunny!

Now, let’s be clear: in many cases, noticing when things don’t match up to the ideas of how we think things should be is what fuels action. If a partner isn’t treating you the way you deserve to be treated - evaluating if the relationship is right for you. If you see a piece of trash on your favorite hiking trail - picking it up. When there’s an injustice happening - donating, calling reps, speaking up, educating ourselves.

Releasing attachment doesn’t mean being passive. Releasing attachment means seeing things clearly, witnessing this moment as it is, and part of that is asking: what’s in my control here?

We add extra suffering to our inner experience by thinking things that are out of our control should be in our control. The sky being cloudy? Out of your control. And adding an extra “why is this happening?! When will this go away!” isn’t actually changing the sky, it’s just adding salt to the wound. To practice non-attachment means to surrender control in areas that you don’t have it, and take control when you do.

A tangible question to integrate non-attachment into your life:

~Am I accepting this moment as it is?

If not….

~What emotion am I feeling that I can allow myself to simply acknowledge? (disappointment, frustration, annoyance)

~What’s in my control here?

Journaling prompts

• If you have a few extra minutes, try out this month’s guided meditation. It centers around cultivating awareness of our emotions! Otherwise, let’s just take 3 deep, slow inhales through the nose, and exhales through the mouth.

• What in your life have you been resisting recently?

• What emotions are underneath this that are wanting to be acknowledged?

• What’s in your control in this? What’s out of your control?

Thank you so much for being here, exactly as you are ♡

Meg