Feeling behind in life

Cultivating acceptance for where you are

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may you be free

Something that constantly surprises me as a therapist, as someone who’s a witness to people’s deepest, most intimate thoughts, is that so many of the feelings we think we’re alone in, are the things I hear about most in sessions. The things we think no one else feels, are the things that most people are just feeling in the secrecy of their own minds.

One of those things is the deep dread of feeling like you’re not where you thought you’d be by now. A feeling that you’re behind. A feeling of grief, loss, for the expectations and dreams that you had for yourself.

Shouldn’t I be married by now?

Shouldn’t I have discovered my passion by now?

Shouldn’t I be top at the top of my industry by now?

I find that these feelings are strongest around the new year, and around birthdays, especially decade-markers. There’s this sneaky undertone in our society to get your shit together by 30, certainly perpetuated by lists like Forbes 30 under 30, as if on the night of your 30th birthday, this mystical, wizard-like figure is going to appear at the foot of your bed and say, time’s up. You didn’t follow through with that dream of yours. Guess you never will.

In being with this very real feeling, two things are important:

1. Acknowledging and processing the grief that you feel. It’s hard to not be where you thought you’d be. It’s hard to see others doing what you’ve been wanting to do. It’s hard to let go of the timeline that you held in your mind.

2. Cultivating acceptance of where you are right now - because this is where you are right now.

Acceptance doesn’t mean that you need to feel good about where you right now. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you can’t want more. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you need to stay stuck in the stagnancy of where you are.

Acceptance is more about how we relate to ourselves, how we talk to ourselves about where we are right now. Acceptance says: it’s okay that I’m here, this is just what’s happening now. This isn’t what it’s going to be like forever. Adding self-criticism on top of my grief isn’t actually changing anything, it’s just adding more suffering.

You can accept yourself right now while also wanting more for your future. You can accept yourself right now while also knowing that there’s growth to be done. The difference is that you’re striving for more, not out of self-hatred or self-punishment, but because you deserve to feel good. You deserve to feel fulfilled.

As we begin on this self-acceptance journey, positive self-talk may feel like you’re lying to yourself. That’s normal. No need to beat yourself up for not accepting yourself - that’s just the same critical voice talking. Self-acceptance is a constant dance of getting lost in the mind’s stories, noticing that you got lost, shifting your focus back to a place of acceptance, and then getting lost in the mind’s critical stories again.

Repeat after me… even if it feels like a lie:

My life is unfolding in the timing that’s right for me.

There is no ONE right timeline for everyone.

I am doing my best with the resources and awareness that I have right now.

I accept myself fully in this moment.

Journaling prompts

• What do you feel grief for? Is there a dream, a vision, an expectation that you thought you’d have fulfilled by now?

• Take a moment to just sit with the grief of this. Be a witness to the sensations that come up.

• What would it feel like to cultivate acceptance of where you are right now? To relate to yourself with softness, understanding and forgiveness?

Paid subscribers, keep your eyes peeled next Friday for this month’s guided meditation!

Thank you so much for being here, exactly as you are ♡

With warmth,

Meg